


Breathtaking Kiss

by PhoenixofFire177



Series: Types of Kisses [8]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Finally, Insecurity, M/M, No abuse, barba doesn't want to rush the relationship, barba gets a reality check, bc of course it does, fluff (sorta), give carmen a raise 2k17, mentions of possessive behaviour, mentions of quiting, poor carmen, repression and denial are wrong kiddos, she has to deal with barbas shit, so therefore he refuses to tell anyone, sonny doesnt do anything wrong this time, that backfires, the coffee jokes are back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 13:52:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11336832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixofFire177/pseuds/PhoenixofFire177
Summary: It's the kiss that you can't do anything for a few seconds after. You keep your eyes closed with mouth agape as you try to let your mind process what happened.





	Breathtaking Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> here's part 8 you sinners. This time with significantly less angst™

In hindsight, dating a coworker was maybe not the best way to begin the year. He was on shaky ground already (losing cases was never good for anyone) and dating someone that brought him cases? He might as well recuse himself before the cases even get to the D.A.’s office. Of course, that couldn’t exactly happen. They hadn’t filed a disclosure form yet and neither of them planned to anytime soon. 

Well… that wasn’t entirely true. Rafael insisted that they hold off from day one; his lack of faith in their relationship making him understandably wary. He didn’t want to assume anything of what they were and having disclosure forms implied longevity that he didn’t want to apply. Rafael Barba was afraid. 

It was rather uncalled for; Sonny Carisi was hardly someone he had to impress. The detective already looked up to him and Rafael had a feeling Sonny would be the one the inevitable break up would affect the most. So here they were, dating under the noses of both of their bosses with no plan of alerting anyone to their relationship anytime soon. What could go wrong? 

A lot of things, apparently. Rafael hadn’t considered how much it hurt for them not be official at work. He didn’t originally consider himself to be particularly possessive but after hearing witnesses and even his fellow attorneys hit on his boyfriend? Something primal within him snarled at the unfamiliar hands on Sonny and just how damn nice the detective was to them. Sure, he always refused (citing a pre-existing relationship each time, that primordial part of Rafael noted with a sick satisfaction) but it was still annoying. Not to mention disrespectful, too. What kind of person made a move on a member of a couple in front of their partner? No one worth the time of day, that’s who. He did understand that it was an honest mistake; those people didn’t know Sonny was Rafael’s but still. It should have been obvious. 

No, it shouldn’t have. 

If they knew, it would defeat the whole purpose of keeping them a secret. Both his and Sonny’s career would be on the line and then where would they be? Nowhere good, that’s for sure. 

That wasn’t the only factor that made Rafael’s heart ache. Every time Sonny had to go arrest someone or got involved in a hostage situation, Rafael wanted to scream. Yes, he knew that all of it was necessary but did they have to threaten his love? Every chase set his anxiety levels off and he was ashamed to admit that Carmen and the other employees of the District Attorney’s office suffered the most during that period. He became irritable (more so than usual, his brain supplied) and refused to be set as ease until Sonny was physically in front of him. A phone call or text only made him think that his boyfriend was hiding an injury and with good reason. 

Sonny had been late to the apartment a grand total of one time. It was after a particularly large bust and Rafael hadn’t heard from his boyfriend for almost an hour. It would suffice to say that the hour of silence was the worst moment in Rafael’s life. Dramatic though it was, it was absolute torture to not know. Had the bust gone wrong? Was that ambulance he just heard for Sonny? Oh god, had he died? Jesus christ, why did he let Sonny go today? 

A formerly unopened bottle of scotch became his solace that night and Rafael refused to check his phone. He couldn’t bear finding out if Sonny had died though some part of his rational mind questioned how he’d find out. No one knew to contact him in case of emergency. They hadn’t wanted to bring it up and now they’d pay for it. Damn him and his insecurities. 

When Sonny had stumbled into the apartment around midnight, face bruised in the perfect shape of someone’s fist, there were no words to describe his simultaneous anger and relief. He pulled the detective wordlessly into the master bathroom and began cleaning the dried blood from his lover’s face. Nothing was said for quite some time. Neither knew how to begin. 

They didn’t speak at all that night. Rafael sent his detective to bed with a simple kiss to his forehead and refused to join him. He had some thinking to do and the sight of Sonny bruised and bleeding sobered him. Was keeping this… keeping them a secret really for the best? What if one of them was injured on the job and this time couldn’t come home? Would the doctor know to call the other? Would their coworkers? He didn’t know the answer to any of his questions and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. God forbid they need to break up over their jobs. 

He figured out three things that night. One, he never wanted to be in that position again. Not knowing whether his lover was injured, dead, or missing was terrifying. God only knew how Olivia managed it whenever she dated. Two, he was now absolutely certain that he and Sonny wouldn’t be separating anytime soon. Rafael was way too invested to let his detective go anytime soon. Three, fuck whatever their bosses think. It wasn’t like he couldn’t ever find another job. That way Sonny wouldn’t need to find yet another precinct and Rafael could start over. Sure it would be a slow climb back to the same level of influence that he held now, but for them to stay together, Rafael would be willing to do just about anything. 

Damn, he really was head over heels. 

That, of course, led him to where he was now. He stood outside the precinct, daily poison in hand, debating whether or not to enter. Of course, he had to (Olivia did have his case, after all) but he was a bit more concerned with his plan. 

Rafael wanted to finally let Sonny tell his work family about their relationship and today seemed like the best day to accomplish that goal. He was going to approach his detective and calmly drop hints about their plans for tonight until someone, most likely Amanda, asked and they could finally come clean. It would dramatically decrease both of their stress levels and give Rafael the leverage he needed to make sure Sonny was safe. There was no way he’d tolerate a repeat of that night. Not now and not ever. 

Gathering his courage, Rafael entered the precinct and made his way to the squad room. He was careful to avoid being seen until he stood directly in front of his boyfriend’s desk. Gently tapping Sonny’s arm, he was greeted with surprised blue eyes. He hadn’t exactly told his detective about the plan… at all. 

“Counselor, hey! What are you doing here?” 

What, indeed… 

“I came to get my case, detective. Why else would I be here?” 

Was that his imagination or was Sonny actually disappointed? 

“Well, the lieu is in a meeting right now but she’ll be ready for you soon.” 

Rafael nodded approvingly. If it didn’t hurt so much to lack that intimacy he’d gotten so used to, he would almost be impressed by Sonny’s ability to seem distant and not at all like his boyfriend. Almost. 

Instead, Rafael was struck again with pangs of annoyance. Who’s stupid idea was it to pretend to be indifferent of each other at work? That was a horrible plan. Abandoning his coffee (he’d had six more cups than usual due to the stress and would probably be forced to neglect it anyways), he grabbed Sonny by the tie and pulled him into a kiss. 

It wasn’t at all clean and chaste like usual, no. Because of the surprise, Sonny’s mouth had been slightly ajar and Rafael almost missed his lips by a mile. Okay, maybe not a mile but it still would have been embarrassing. Thankfully their lips made contact and Rafael basically swallowed his lover’s squeak of surprise at the sudden display of affection. 

Despite the sudden initiation of contact, Sonny responded to his touch like he’d been prodded with a live wire; surging up to meet Rafael half way. 

Someone wolf whistled across the room. Neither of them particularly cared. 

Rafael only pulled away when he heard Olivia’s door open. She called out a greeting and he waved to her, completely put together. 

“I’ll see you tonight, detective.” 

Rafael walked away stiffly, his tone leaving no room for debate. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sonny gaping at him, eyes fixed somewhere in space. He smirked to himself. 

Mission accomplished.


End file.
